A Risk Worth Taking

This song got me through my final year of university… I remember it like it was yesterday. I woke up in the worst of sorts and I was ready to give up on the day before I had even finished eating my breakfast. Every day was the same – wake up in time for an 8am class (I now wake up at 5am, so this hardly seems like an inconvenience to me anymore), go through the routine of class, being assigned homework, and doing homework just in time to get some more. I knew it was all towards a worthy end, but it felt useless at the time, and I always question whether or not I should have ever pursued engineering. I started playing music on my phone as a last-ditch effort to try and cheer myself up when this song came on. I lethargically cracked the eggs into the pan, slid the spring-loaded toaster down to start browning the bread, and pulled out salt and pepper – the only spices you ever need, or that I could properly use. Song after song flipped through (looking back, it probably only went through about 2-3 songs because eggs don’t take that long to cook, but when you’re downtrodden, it feels like ages). I flipped the eggs onto my plate, smattered the toast with a careless smear of butter, and stood in my little apartment kitchen to eat because I was afraid that if I sat down again, I wouldn’t have the willpower to return to my feet.

I was about halfway through my eggs when I heard it. From the first bar of guitar, thumping drums, and synth pad background, I was hooked. Something about this song just got me. It was playing the exact opposite of whatever my heart was feeling, and it was so refreshing, I ended up listening to it 3 or 4 times on repeat, head banging and singing… no, shouting along with it by the end. It said everything: hold on, if you can, be strong… it’s a risk worth taking to have a life worth living, you need to hold on.

Looking back, the true risk was staying put. It wasn’t running away with my laptop and guitar, it was trusting that there’s a purpose to all of this mundane crap.

And this is how I feel today. One week ago, I was reminded by a couple dear friends how important it is to listen to songs that once made you feel more alive than a cup of morning coffee. We sat by a bonfire in a farm field in west Michigan and blasted this song, and I instantly knew I was with people that knew my heart because, without saying a word, they made me feel the way this song makes me feel. We shouted and laughed and reminisced together, and it gave the song renewed meaning.

Today my risk is much like when I was in university. It’s trusting that I won’t be required to sit in this parasitical, soul-sucking cubicle forever. I need to hold on, if I can, be strong.

But I won’t lie, there’s something that feels wrong about all of this… It’s a risk worth taking to have a life worth living, but what if I don’t feel alive?

Risk Worth Taking

 

Girl With the Sunset Hair

This is a song I wrote a couple years ago and recorded in my room. I know it’s low quality, but it’s the first thing I thought of when I saw the word “orange.” Hope y’all enjoy 🙂

I still get butterflies inside my gut when I see you

I still get a fuzzy mind every single time I look into your eyes

I dream of paradise in a glass of ice, sippin on sunshine

I’ll save it for a rainy day when clouds come to play

Perfect weather when it’s you and me

 

She’s the girl with the sunset hair and midnight eyes

Keepin me awake every hour of the night

Her sunset hair and midnight eyes

Bring hope of a new day

As I wait for the sun to rise

 

Between the cigarettes and your stuffed pets, I think you’re something different

But then I see your angel smile, I think all the while, Heaven’s got a sense of style

You see my clean white shoes, my sweet baby blues, you say I’m something different

I wake with the morning light, but all through the night, you’re outta sight but never outta my mind

 

She’s the girl with the sunset hair and midnight eyes

Keepin me awake every hour of the night

Her sunset hair and midnight eyes

Bring hope of a new day

As I wait for the sun to rise

 

Now my pen’s outta ink

I don’t dare to blink

I’ll say alongside my horizon

 

Orange

Time To Give ‘Em What They’re Waitin’ For

I can’t remember the last time I wanted to be exactly where I was, or where I am, for that matter. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a bit of wanderlust, a bit of wonder, some restlessness and dreams… There’s nothing wrong with me being me, for wanting to be different.

Today, I’ve been struggling with thoughts of being stupid, lazy, and useless. How could I help it? I’m clearly misplaced in life. I feel like a toy that made it on a bookshelf, or a book in the toy chest. I’m doing fine just where I am, but I’m playing 6/8 time on a 3/4 track.

The funny thing is that nobody wants exactly what they ask for. They want a bit o’ pizzazz. They want what they asked for, plus. I’m just one of the little “plusses” floating around in the world, looking for what I’m going to add to. I’m hoping this blog is one place where I can be a plus for someone, because this is one place that I want to be. (And for those of you asking, I am a bit of plus for myself, but I’d rather be a plus for someone else.)

The Seaside

Few things enamor the heart of man quite like the seaside. Few people capture it as romantically as Ewan has in the post following that link, and some fail to see the romanticism in it all. I recommend simultaneously reading his post (and I understand it’s not all about the sea, but those are some of the most enchanting pictures I’ve ever seen of the sea) and listening to the song titled “The Seaside” by The Honey Trees (link below).

Thank you, Ewan. You brought a tear to my eye just by offering your perspective of that gorgeous scape. I have nothing more to say, the pictures are more than enough. The description of the trek across the sandstone crags helps me appreciate what it takes to see the greatest Beauties in the world.

To hear more of my fervor for the sea, here’s a short poem, which also happens to be my 100th post on WordPress: Heaven Must Have a Sea

There, I Will Find Love

If I were to walk the world, I’m not even certain I’d want walk it with my legs. I want to breathe it in with my lungs, peruse it with my eyes, feel it with my fingers… Because all of those are patient within me. But not my legs, and not my heart. Certainly not my mind. But my mind can move as fast as it likes to as it analyzes and explores every dimension of the taste, sight, and feel of it. The problem is it frequently explores one aspect, and is oblivious to another. It overlooks some of the beauty of the world.

So, as I amble through life, I hope to come alive in patient spring, and walk slowly through the Garden. I wish to wake the earth as it awakens me.

There, I will find Love.

Amble